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Home Latest

Spurs are all together and behind Mourinho (except for Bale and Reguillon and maybe Levy)

Today's tales mocks the stupidity of modern football

Chris Darwen by Chris Darwen
March 24, 2021
in Latest, Today's Tales
Gareth Bale
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According to Brazilian Lucas Moura, the great Tottenham Hotspur are all fully behind their manager, Jose Mourinho. As Brian Clough probably once said, “I’d rather have them in front of me so I can see them”. And ‘fully’ seems a little glib given that Gareth Bale is rumoured to be that done with Spurs that he’d rather be in Madrid. Yes, things are that bad. Sergio Reguillon isn’t best impressed either and would love to find a way out of London in the summer. Could it be a revolution at Tottenham in the close season? You can’t really see Mourinho at the club next season…

Arsenal legend Paul Merson believes that Harry Kane ‘brings more to the party’ than Erling Haaland – and I think we all know the kind of parties Merse used to frequent. Drilling down into his clickbait statement in more detail, I guess you could argue he is right – Kane does have a better all-round game than Haaland (as well as ankles that are more aligned to glass than the Norweigan’s), but then Haaland is just a goal-scoring freak who is also very, very young.

Chelsea maverick Alan Hudson agrees with Merson too – saying that Kane would get 100 a season if he played for Chelsea or Man City. Not that Hudson is exaggerating or anything.

Darren Bent thinks Danny Ings makes more sense to City than Haaland or Kane – and personally guarantees that the Southampton man would score more goals than Gabby Jesus at the Etihad. And that just makes me wonder where Bent is getting that kind of money from?

Everyone wants Salzburg striker Patson Daka because he is believed to be the new Samuel Eto’o. Just don’t let Mourinho sign him, he’ll have him doing a shift at right wing-back in the Champions League. Ah, you’ve seen the gag – Spurs in the Champions League next season.

Thiago Silva’s mad celebrations as Chelsea knocked out Atleti in the Champions League has led to him being given an extra year at the Bridge. There’s a tip for you there, Tammy – celebrate goals in the stands whilst you are injured or you’ll be off to West Ham or Aston Villa.

Staying with Europe’s elite competition – Crouchy reckons all three English clubs will make the semi-finals though we are waiting for confirmation as to whether he thinks at least one of them will make the final.

Manchester United have accounted TeamViewer as their new £50m a year shirt sponsor replacing Chevrolet as they were a ‘good fit’ – ah yes, Mr Ed. What was it about the £50m a year offer that made a random IT company feel like the perfect partner for the club? Mind you, credit to United that they didn’t have a single betting company on the shortlist.

That’s probably because betting companies are still having great fun suggesting that Ole Gunnar Solskjaer is on borrowed time at Old Trafford and Danny Murphy seems to agree – he reckons that OGS is done for if he doesn’t win the Europa League. That won’t please David Beckham who thinks Ole is doing an incredible job at United (coming from the man who has just employed Phil Neville to manage his own team) or Luke Shaw who feels Solksjaer’s man-management is second-to-none (though this is compared to Louis van Gaal and Jose Mourinho).

Martin Odegaard has heard Gareth Bale might be heading back to Madrid and is suddenly keen to make his stay in London permanent. Odegaard is open to the millions of pounds Arsenal are prepared to pay him on top of the £50m they are hoping might tempt Zidane to sell.

Everton’s Joshua King is taking credit for the move, apparently telling Odegaard to ‘go there’ when his opinion was asked – ah, the world of football transfers. Easy as that, really.

West Ham are keen on the Juventus player likely to be leaving the club in the summer – no, not that one. Aaron Ramsey. That smacks of taking the Jesse Lingard experiment to the next level and realising they can’t pull it off twice.

Newcastle United players are amazed Steve Bruce hasn’t been sacked yet – best to get some money on them going down then.

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