Ok mate, you’ve had your fun. We’re doing the team photos. Lose the daft wig and for God’s sake get rid of those stupid false teeth….oh wait, it’s

JOE ALLON

joeallon

Long before Luke Chadwick’s gruesome dial turned all those who gazed upon it into stone, Geordie Joe ranked as one of English football’s plug-ugliest ever players. Having begun his career in the Newcastle United Youth Cup winning side of 1984 alongside other beauties such as Paul Gascoigne and the fabulously named Ian Bogie, the Gateshead-born striker went on to play for Swansea, Hartlepool and Chelsea amongst others. Thankfully, Joe ditched that awful Heather Locklear 80’s haircut and had his choppers reined in over the years. Now works as an after dinner speaker and on radio (insert own joke here).

MARK GODFREY

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